Why Sex Gets Better As We Age
Wisdom, lessons, and many experiences accompany us on our journey through life. And we can all admit that we are much wiser than we were 10 years ago. Getting older can mean more bills, more responsibilities, grey hair, wrinkles and stress. Despite some negative things that come with aging, there are many pleasures that chaperon climbing the age ladder. While we may have changing priorities, with sex not always be at the top of your agenda, it’s a myth that it takes a back seat as we age.
Let’s Start in the Beginning: The 20’s
Your 20’s often involve lots of experimentation. This is a time in your life where you are highly impressionable, especially between 20-25 years old. In fact, you’re still growing into an adult in your 20s; according to a National Institute of Mental Health study, the human brain is not fully mature until age 25.
In our 20’s, we have yet to create our own definition of intimacy and sexual fulfillment. Instead, these ideas are heavily influenced by our religion, media, family, and friends. Our emotional intimacy grows slowly as we sometimes move quickly from one relationship to the next without much self-evaluation.
Many people embrace sexual exploration during their 20s. The hookup culture era has created lots of sexting and Oscar worthy moaning but also sometimes a false sense of sexual and emotional intimacy. Whether you’re in a committed relationship or doing the occasional hookup, sex in your 20s teaches lessons about intimacy, communication and how your sexual body works.
Usually sometime between 26 and 30, we experience a wakeup call causing us to begin to question who we are.
The 30s to 40s: The Light Years
Our drive to break through our past wounds and define our own lives is the strongest in our 30s and 40s. This is the time when people recognize and can more easily pinpoint what they need emotionally and physically.
During the 30s and 40s people experience emotional and sexual illumination that allows them to enjoy deep intimate relationships that are built to last. Our foundation is no longer based upon outside influences. We seek relationships based on deep personal connections and have stopped engaging in long-term commitments or marriages based on temporary physical or emotional attachments. You’re fearless in the pursuit of deep intimacy.
Having left the unhappy, self-loathing and neurotic body image many of us have in our 20’s behind; we are in a space where we can co-create emotional and sexual intimacy with our partner and feel confident and sexy in our own skin. As you’ve gotten older, you know your body better, tend to be less concerned about body insecurity and more focused on what you’re doing between the sheets together. This desire for deep intimacy or level five of intimacy is only achieved once we’ve learned to accept ourselves without judgement.
By now, you are you’re more confident, comfortable initiating sex and should be able to ask for what you want and accept what’s offered. With maturity comes acceptance and gratitude, both for your partners and self— as a bonus, a more enjoyable sex life.
The 50’s On:
With modern culture being so youth-focused, the sexual well-being of people over 50 is not often considered. It may be easy to forget that people over 50 do enjoy SEX but NEWSFLASH! great sex doesn’t have an expiration date and it doesn’t stop at a certain age. As a matter of fact, it tends to get even better (even though our bodies sometimes don’t respond as predictably as it once did.)
Sex is not only fun and exciting but is tied to happiness, mental, physical health and overall quality of life. Our love for ourselves gets better with age in turn, so does our love for others.
While the frequency of sex may become less important with age, the amount of thought and effort invested in sex becomes more important- as the focus shifts from performing for to relating to the person you’re with. Oh, and the sex? Yes, you can be sexually-fulfilled over 50 even 65 and so on.
By this age, we are more planted in our careers and less driven to establish ourselves in our professions. By now most of the working late nights and busy travel schedule is long gone. So are the periods, pressure to have kids or worry about an accidental unwanted pregnancy.
With the teething and tantrums long behind you and no one around to C.B., you can be totally spontaneous. You’ve got more time and ample room to devote to sex and hopefully more disposable income to spend on fancy trips and hot dates to rediscover youthful passions.
There are many things you can do to keep things steamy and put erotic joy and adventure into your life. Rethink intimacy and change your definition of what sex is. Try new partners and positions and look for new places to try them in. Step out of your inhibitions and redefine what next level sex means to you.