The Techno Menage a Troi
So, you’re considering introducing a third party to the bedroom? Intimate wares can be your biggest ally in facilitating pleasure- giving or receiving, and when introduced to a relationship, can enhance your romantic life and really take your foreplay further. Three really is good company, and adding a sex toy to the mix can bring a new dimension of satisfaction to your sex-capades, allowing you to give and receive pleasure in new-found ways.
If you’ve conjured up all sorts of fantasies in your head- but you’ve yet to articulate those desires to your lover… not to worry. Here we will discuss ways to initiate a more proactive approach to pleasure and hopefully offer some enlightenment on how to maximize your sexual outcomes. By the time you get to the end of this article, you’ll have likely picked up a few pointers that will have you primed and ready to take it there, inhibition-free!
If you and your partner have never used a sex toy together, bringing up the subject can prove awkward. To prepare yourself for the discussion with your partner, consider your own reasons for wanting to stimulate your intimate play. Is it for your own sexual health, for strengthening the bonds of your relationship, or is this new addition just for fun or fantasy-play? It’s also possible that one or both of you require mechanical stimulation in order to get the job done. Whatever the reason, the type of relationship you’re in (long-term, newly committed, just ‘hooking up’, or other) will determine how you approach toy usage with your partner.
There is no perfect time, but can tell you with certainty that it’s not a good idea to pull out a phallic shaped 12” vibrator on your first date. You should probably wait until you’ve had a few rolls in the hay and there’s some level of trust and communication developed. Timing and how well you are able to communicate your needs may affect how well received the new bedroom accessory will be.
When you approach the subject, you may find that your partner is already an undercover sex toy enthusiast. If the object of your affection happens to be very open-minded, lucky you… head on over to The Alluring Violet and get shopping! If your partner is not immediately ready to bet on board, bringing a technological assistant to the bedroom can prove difficult and be downright intimidating.
One of the biggest obstacles to your male partner’s willingness to ‘say hello to your little friend,’ may be a fear that he doesn’t measure up. Bringing up a sex toy may conjure up ideas in his mind that you are not sexually satisfied by him. He may feel threatened, like he’s in competition with the toy and might be out performed by it- or just feel left out. He may be reluctant or feel inadequate because let’s be honest, he doesn’t have electric fingers, nor does he rotate, vibrate, thrust, or light up. Most men fall somewhere between partially threatened by the unwelcome competition and turned on by the possibilities of the adventure.
Women may also face some anxiety but for different reasons. For instance, a woman using a strap-on for the first time might feel uncomfortable with the new apparatus or penetration may be completely new to her. For most women though, a dildo or vibrator is typically very well received. The average man takes less time to become fully aroused, and can generally reach their peak faster. Using a vibrator can level the playing field, extending foreplay. This helps to bridge the gap between your orgasm and his, allowing the couple to experience more simultaneous pleasure.
There is obviously no substitute for the emotional closeness felt between partners when being sexually intimate but, in order to get what you want from the experience, it’s important to be open and honest with each other about what you want and why you want it. This is where the power of communication comes in… use this as the perfect opportunity to boost their sexual self-esteem by telling them just how much you love how they love. You’d be surprised that one’s sweetest, most erogenous spot is not found below the waist but above the shoulders. The reassurance alone from you that the ‘toy’ is an enhancement, not a replacement, and was purchased simply to create a new experience is probably enough to coax them into understanding that it’s a win-win for you as a couple.
The good news… nowadays, sex toys are pretty main stream. The reality is that many women own a sex toy already, and with expanding sexual horizons, more and more men are using them too. No need to sift through thousands of items, The Alluring Violet has To soften the introduction, or if you desire a fun, more hands-on approach, consider a Soirée with friends.
If in the end they are still not down with tech support in the bedroom, don’t push. You both have to be on the same page, and can experiment in other ways while still having an absurdly pleasurable shared experience! When you are ready to become a techie Casanova or sexy seductress, visit The Alluring Violet. We have curated a menu of the most innovative, impeccably crafted pleasure objects on the market, making it easy to find the perfect accompaniment to your sexual style. We are open 24/7 to inspire your provocative possibilities.
The clever tips below can assist you in parlaying thought to deed, and expand the dimensions of your intimacy with the person you share your pillow and playtime with- after all, the couple that plays together stays together.
• For the duo who isn’t quite ready to dive in head first, try indulging in one of our decadent oils and learn all about erotic massage together. The body is truly a wonderland and an exploratory session of long, smooth strokes are sure to quicken your libido and theirs. Through sensual massage, you’re sure to find their hidden pleasure points…and if your fingers slip off course or your lips get lost along the way, that’s ok too. Heck, go hands-free and use your breasts or chest to do the stroking. Once you’ve both gotten your toes wet, (or slippery) and your lover becomes more comfortable with different sensations, they may warm up to the thought of enhancing foreplay and love making further by advancing to a couples toy – you can progress together from there.
• For other non mechanical options for entry into the world of erotic wares: master the oral arts with the aid of our edible body potions, or try a couples board game like Kinky Truth or Dare that teaches various sexual positions and encourages exploration in ways you might not have considered before.
• Speaking of sexual positions, some of the more ambitious ones while satisfying can seriously limit your view- that’s where mirrors come in. A strategically placed mirror allows you and your partner to play exhibitionist and voyeur simultaneously, capturing the act and one’s subtle expressions, adding an entirely new dimension to the experience. If you happen to be perfection personified, revel in all of your glory and leave the lights blazing. But if you are like most of us and prefer a more subtle focus, use the flattering glow of candle light or try applying a matte film or ‘frost’ spray to the surface of your mirror.
Next Level- Vibes & Bondage
• Start small with an approachable design that’s non phallic, non intimidating, and focuses on external stimulation like the Le Réve 3-Speed Bullet. If you are already a sex toy aficionado and have decided to share your little secret with your partner, put the power in their hands and give them control of your pleasure with a remote controlled couples toy. Get kinky and take your foreplay out of the bedroom by wearing a vibrating egg like the LELO Lyla 2. Remember, it should quiet enough that it arouses you but not suspicion. Highly erotic!
• Get him on board by buying him something he can wear like a C-ring, and make your man your pleasure project. A C-ring, or gentleman’s ring, is a two-for-one; the gentle constriction of blood flow from his penis will not only lengthen his stamina, but also can offer a more pronounced appearance. As the recipient, you will enjoy powerful vibrations down the length of his shaft during intercourse.
• If it’s bondage you crave, before breaking out the handcuffs, give them a preview. Test the waters by holding his or her hands over their head during foreplay. If your lover readily succumbs, and the two of you opt to experiment with a little BDSM, a whip to deliver a light stinging sensation or a blindfold to send your other four senses into over-drive; this could be just the thing you need to unleash your fantasies and introduce your lover to the mysterious world of domination and submission. Remember to set boundaries in advance and establish safe words.
Keep These Things in Mind
• Familiarize yourself with your new gizmo before presenting it to your partner. Learn its features, and determine beforehand which you like best. That way you will be able to guide your partner into giving you what you want. (with a minimal amount of fumbling) Don’t fret if the first try doesn’t go off without a hitch- you just need to find your rhythm together.
• Sex is rarely as spontaneous as it appears on T.V. but some pre-planning will ensure a smooth interface for the end users. Nothing is a ‘buzz-kill’ (pun intended) like dead batteries so be sure to charge your devise or have fresh batteries at the ready. It’s also a good idea to have an intimate moisturizer at your disposal. Lubricants enhance the enjoyment and comfort of sexual activity, and ensure that nothing comes between you and your most intimate desires.
Hopefully, the addition of pleasure objects in the boudoir will facilitate the woman’s ability to more easily reap the sometimes illusive consequence of good love making- the O.